The following three-part story stars Russell Westbrook and James Harden. In the story, they will find a basketball. The story is based on Jon Klassen’s three books I Want My Hat Back, This is Not My Hat, and We Found a Hat. They are brilliant children’s books. This is probably less so.
Part one: Russell Westbrook and James Harden meet The Process
Russell Westbrook and Sam Presti meet in Presti’s office.
James is gone. We kind of want him back.
Trust the process, Russ. You must trust the process.
Have you seen Serge?
I have not, but I would like to introduce Victor Oladipo and Domantas Sabonis. Interesting.
Have you seen KD? He won’t answer my calls.
He’s given up on the process.
Hm. That’s pretty interesting.
Where’s Victor?
Do you know Paul George? I would like you to meet Paul George.
Cool. How do you feel about cupcakes, Paul George?
What’s going on with Paul George?
Trust the process, Russ. You must trust the process.
Ah, well, that’s pretty interesting and all, but does the process ever end?
I don’t know what to tell you, Russ. The process is the process.
Daryl Morey and Russell Westbrook meet in Morey’s office.
Where’s Sam?
I showed up on this blank page looking for Sam.
Sam’s not here, Russ. Have you met James? What about Mike D’Antoni?
James, is that you? I didn’t recognize you with the new beard.
It’s the same beard, Russ.
But is it the same process?
The process is the process, Russ.
Part two: A possible outcome for Russell Westbrook and James Harden
Russell Westbrook dribbles into the tall grass.
This basketball is not mine. I just stole it.
Maybe I stole it from a bearded basketball player who is a teammate of mine, but who cares? Besides, he was looking the other way when I did it.
He probably won’t even notice.
And even if he does notice, he probably won’t care because he’ll also notice I’m close to a triple-double.
And even if he doesn’t notice I’m close to a triple-double, he’ll probably just be like why not.
And even if he isn’t just like why not, he won’t know where I’m going. My game is not so predictable.
But I will tell you where I’m going. I’m going where the players stand big and tall and close together. It is very hard to move in there. Nobody will ever follow me into the paint.
So I am not worried about what will happen.
Maybe it’s wrong to steal a basketball from one’s teammate, but can anyone really own a basketball? Knowing the basketball is not mine keeps me hungry. I am always hungry for the basketball, and I will probably always take what isn’t mine.
On second thought, I am going to launch this 3. I mean, why not? Who knows when the basketball will come my way again?
Hey! I made it! I made the most ridiculous shot and because I made it the shot was a good one!
I knew I was going to make it. I will make more in the future.
Nobody else will have to make a shot. I can make them all. My teammates will appreciate how little they need to work now that I am doing everything.
Part three: Another possible outcome for Russell Westbrook and James Harden
James Harden and Russell Westbrook find a basketball.
We found a basketball. We found it together.
There is only one basketball. And there are two of us. But there are many dribbles.
How does this look? It looks good on you.
How does it look when I try? It looks good.
Wow, the basketball looks good in both our hands. True, but it would not be right for one of us to have the ball and the other one to just be standing still.
James Harden and Russell Westbrook stand still without a basketball.
There is only one thing to do. Run pick-and-rolls? No, we must leave the basketball where we found it.
But now neither of us is scoring. We’re watching Eric Gordon and Clint Capela run pick-and-rolls.
So what do you think we should do? I think we should sleep on it.
Are you asleep yet? I am almost asleep.
Are you all the way asleep? Actually, I am dreaming.
What are you dreaming about? What if everyone had a basketball?
Ah . . . that is pretty interesting.
Todd Whitehead completed the artwork for part three of ‘Russell Westbrook and James Harden Found a Basketball.’ Bryan Harvey completed the artwork for parts one and two of ‘Russell Westbrook and James Harden Found a Basketball.’ All artwork is based in large part off the original artwork in Jon Klassen’s children’s books: I Want My Hat Back, This Hat Is Not Mine, and We Found a Hat. Hopefully, Mr. Klassen will not mind.